When Donald Trump Becomes President…
1. The United States will be renamed Trumpistan. Adult Citizens will be renamed Trumpistanis. Minor Citizens will be called Trumpets and Trumpettes. Non-citizens will be executed.
2. Ted Cruz will be Donald Trump’s diversity Vice President
3. Everyone will be renamed Donald Trump and a Roman numeral (e.g. Donald Trump MMMMCMXCIX). This includes George Foreman and his brood.
4. Each year, America’s “bottom 47%” will be told “You’re Fired!” Of the rest, the bottom 47% will be fired the following year. This will continue until only Donald Trump and his family are left. Eventually he’ll start firing the bottom 47% of his children.
5. Donald Trump will have the term “average” redefined to 47%.
6. Donald Trump will make decisions unencumbered by facts, laws, American ideals or civility.
7. Kids, the elderly and the infirm not having a positive ROI will be forced to labor on Trump’s Great Wall of Mexico project. This beautiful wall will have large flashing neon Trump signs on it.
8. The alphabet’s first five letters will be changed to T, R, U, M and P.
9. Legal immigration will be limited to beautiful Central European women with names like Ivana, Ivanka, Melania, Donald and lingerie models from any country.
10. Guns, God and Gambling will be legal and required in all the Red States. Blue States will be donated to France.
11. Intellectuals will be sent to hard-labor re-education gambling camps.
12. Any corporate debt over $1 million will be forgiven by the new Trumprumptcy Laws.
13. Donald Trump guarantees that he will be the Forrest Trump President.
14. Finally, we’ll all have to dye our hair blond and have Donald Trump comb overs. Picture your family Christmas/holiday card now.
As a bonus remember, while there is no “Me” in Donald Trump, there is an “Old Rump.” Enjoy the future. NS.
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